A St. Patrick’s Day Safety Poem

By Nate Russell, volunteer contributor, American Red Cross

Once again, it’s that time of year.

For shamrock shakes and green tinted beer.

But before you don green,

Just please be keen

that of bad luck, you’d best steer clear.

Ah, St. Paddy’s day. Every year, near the ides of March, friends and family wear green or get pinched, verdant-hued novelty items sell like hotcakes, and at least one person you know will make a horrendous attempt at an accent.

But believe it or not, much worse things can happen than your uncle quoting a breakfast cereal mascot. This St. Patrick’s Day, we’d like to share some safety tips, so that you can continue to wear ‘Kiss me, I’m Irish’ t-shirts on many more March 17ths to come:

  1. Drive Safe, Or Don’t Drive.

                If you’ve had yourself more than a drink,

                Hand your keys to the bloke behind the sink.

                Don’t be a twit,

                Call Uber or Lyft,

                Or you may end up right in the clink.

Today, there are less excuses than ever before to drive while inebriated. Smartphones give us instant access to inexpensive ride services, or the ability to call a sober friend.

If you yourself happen to be that sober friend, don’t think you’re off the hook either. Texting while driving has proven to be just as dangerous as drunk driving. So if you’re the designated driver, please put away your phone. It can wait.

In short: Don’t drink and drive. Don’t text and drive. Drinking and texting, however, is the subject of a different kind of safety article. Moving on…

  1. Know Your Limits

I’d thought “My job is so dreadfully boring.

So on the weekend, the alcohol will come pouring!”

Well, a long story short,

I’ve no witty retort,

But my head feels like it’s come free of its moorings.

Pouring alcohol into an empty stomach is an excellent way to end your night earlier than intended. You can also pace yourself with liberal amounts of water (it’s also free!).

If someone around you hasn’t been pacing themselves, know the signs of alcohol poisoning, and just as important, know how to respond if you find someone poisoned by alcohol.

  1. Beware of leprechauns

No limerick here, leprechauns are serious business.

If confronted by a leprechaun, be aware that 85% of Faustian deals made with these fanciful creatures end poorly.

Under no circumstances should you pursue a leprechaun’s pot of gold. Should you spot a rainbow, it’s safe to admire its natural beauty from afar, but any questing for precious metals at the colored array’s point of origin will likely result in a potentially lethal leprechaun confrontation.

All jokes aside, we at the American Red Cross hope you have an excellent holiday and stay safe this March 17th!

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